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In every season, You are still God

08 Mar

03 Desert Song

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

We sang this song last night at our weekly staff worship night.  It brought back a very vivid memory of myself in 2010, walking through the streets of downtown Huntington Beach, trying to find the perfect home to buy.  I’d always been a saver, so after three years of nursing I had enough put away for a down payment.  I found the perfect condo just close enough to the water but not too close to the noisy nights and downtown traffic.  After my first year of nursing, I had voluntarily reduced my hours to part time.  I only worked two 12-hour night shifts a week unless I picked up an extra shift.  There was just too much life to live and I made it work financially by keeping my old Toyota Echo and not making other spendy purchases.  I wasn’t just living for myself, mind you.  Much of my spare time was spent caring for my aging grandmother, mentoring a dozen high school girls, and putting in extra time at the hospital to work on various committees and councils where I felt I could make an organizational difference.  I began pursuing a master’s degree in nursing administration and could envision my future as a nurse manager.  I went dancing nearly every week, country, salsa, ballroom; it was something that brought my soul to life, and I sometimes fantasized that it I would one day enter competitions or dance professionally.

In that season, there were many reasons to sing, many reasons to worship.

Oh what a different season I am in now.

On Monday I went to the hospital to pick up Adecelia, a tiny baby girl who had been abandoned there last month.  We’ve been bringing her milk and diapers and other supplies, just waiting for her to be ready for discharge.  Sunday night I had been there and they told me to bring her home on Monday.  I checked in to let the nurses know I was there and by the time I got back a couple hours later after consulting with doctors about another little girl, Adecelia had died.  No explanation.

Adecelia

On Wednesday we lost our precious Annabel.

Annabel

Early Thursday morning Devensly passed away.  The doctors at the hospital had no explanation.

Devensly

And today, Friday, Cheslie died.  She was admitted only last week and stayed in our house for two nights before we brought her to Milot because she was not breathing well.  She was being treated for pneumonia and the doctors have no explanation for why she didn’t make it.

Cheslie

This, this is the season for losing four babies in one week.  This is the season for weakness and trial and pain, for heartache and unanswered questions.  This is the season when I can’t leave work at work but carry the responsibility of 60 lives with me at all hours of the day and night.  I know their lives are God’s responsibility, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the weight of that burden.

I’m begging you to keep us in your prayers.  Our babies, our staff, our broken hearts.  Help me to remember:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

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2 responses to “In every season, You are still God

  1. Arlene

    March 10, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Sheila,
    Thank you for using your gift of words. They help me understand what you are going through. Praying for God to wrap his loving arms around you and all the workers there.

    Arlene

     
  2. Bethany

    March 14, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    I love you, Sheila! I just wanted to let you know I’m constantly thinking of you and praying for strength for you, the kiddos, and the team. Love wins.

     

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